A Non-Profit Public Benefit Corporation 501c (3)

Bardonia Blues
By Dan Milllstein

Welcome to Bardonia. Bardonia (trans.: Land Behind Bars) is a country within a country, 1.7 million strong. We are totally subsidized by your country's tax dollars to the tune of 50+ Billion dollars per year and rising fast. Although some of us like it here, most agree that it was a mistake to move here. An irony is that when we move back to your country it is usually only a short time before we go back to Bardonia.
A few of us work but most of us don't. Unemployment rates here in Bardonia are about 90%. This gives us lots of leisure time. A few of us go to school but we are about 90% drop-outs. There are only a few schools to go to anyway. A lot of us would like to go to school.
Most of us believe in God as a concept but we think he's mostly pissed off at us. We're a pretty sickly and un-healthy citizenry here in Bardonia, we sit around a lot, eat lots of meat, fat, boiled and re-boiled veggies and lots of coffee and sugar. We almost all smoke, even those that don't get a half a pack a day second hand.
We drink a lot, after shave, mouthwash, home made hooch, anything with alcohol in it. Most of us do drugs. All kinds. Probably 90% of us still have drug and alcohol problems even though there is prohibition here in Bardonia. (You know how well prohibition works.)
A few of us have some skills and can make a living in your country but chances are you would not hire us because we are Bardonians. Most of us are African Americans or Latinos and we were probably poor when we lived in your country. Bardonia is 100% low income housing. Most of it infested with creatures and pretty run down.
All kinds of deviant behaviors go on here in Bardonia. Mostly we are a tolerant society. When we are not tolerant the results are always violent. Not too many mediations go on without weapons. It's good that guns are outlawed in Bardonia.
Each of our mini-cities, populations from a few hundred to 10,000 or more, have their own rules. We don't get to vote on them, even the cruel and unusual ones. We pretty much accept that part, after all, we chose to move to Bardonia.
All of our cities are over-crowded by 200 to 300%. This makes privacy of any kind, toilet, shower, eating, sleeping, impossible. All of our TV's in Bardonia are turned up full volume. You can be killed for changing the channel.
Bardonia doesn't have a Mother Nature, no green stuff at all. Some of our cities had flowers once but they got pulled up because they were too pretty for Bardonia. We also have one or two colors of paint in out paint stores, usually gray.
You are not allowed to bump into people here. Another capital offense. Self-esteem is also a crime in Bardonia, so is hugging.
93% of us are moving back to your country real soon. When we moved to Bardonia you thought that you were rid of us forever, think again neighbor.


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